Source is taken from here: sinrizm.blog.fc2.com/blog-entr…
It's the blog I've been reading recently to discover more about myself. It's in Japanese though so I think I'll make a rough translation of some of the key points mentioned. Weinburg is the psychologist who coined the term "homophobia". He died recently on the 20th of March.
I started on the 4th radio session and the author mentioned Weinburg's quote:"People's actions reinforces the intentions behind them."
He then gives two examples. If I hate A, and then I say nasty things behind their backs, what it reinfoces is the hate behind those words, and I hate A even more. Even if starts out with only a wee bit of dislike, through the reinforcements it snowballs out of control really quickly. If I peek at my partner's phone because I'm suspecting that they're unfaithful (because most people are unfaithful to a certain degree), then what the peeking reinforces is the suspicion and I become suspicious of them even more. Eventually I wouldn't trust anything my partner says anymore.
Those with an infeirority complex (such as myself) often have the desire to surpass others. In a workplace they may work super hard to super hard to accomplish that goal. But the harder they work the harder it serves to reinforce their feeling of inferiority. That's why whether it's in relationship or workplace, it's nearly impossible to break free of this vicious cycle. The harder they work the more pain they suffer without even realizing it. No amount of hard work or success can make the inferiority go away, because all that ever accomplish is to further reinforce the inferiority complex. In Weinburg's book there's another example which goes as follows:
An Italian girl is dating and American boy. The American guy comes from a good household and basically has a good life and whatnot. The Italian girl thought that if he knew about her Italian background she might get dumped, so she lies about herself. One day, the American guy and the Italian girl, plus one of his friends went to dinner together. Although it was revealed much later on in the story that the Ameircan guy knew about his girlfriend being Italian, but his friend didn't know, so he (the friend) went on to rant about how much he hated Italians while they're having dinner. The girl didn't react to it in any way, but she suspected that his boyfriend and the other guy are in cahoots and they're trying to make her confess about being Italian, all without any justification to it.
Weinburg says that in the above example, the Italian girl's groundless suspicion is simply the result of this aforementioned reinforcement. The intention is her fear of being dumped if her boyfriend finds out her Italian background. The more she hides, the more she fears. The more she fears, the more she becomes critical towards her boyfriend. The more she's critical towards him, the more she suspects him of being unfaithful to her. In the end their relationship became a complete disaster. The more you try to make others accept you by hiding your weaknesses, the more you'll lose confidence in yourself. The key point is, the reason you don't love yourself as you are, is you don't want to love yourself. People with this mentality thinks they cam become confident by becoming stronger. The problem with the Italian girl in this story is that she doesn't want to love herself, so needless to say wanting marriage from that is just flat-out absurd.
Those who have pets would understand that when you first get a pet doge or cat, and you think it's cute. The more you take care of your pet the more likeable it becomes. Those who have a hobby starts out as an interest in their otherwise boring life, and gradually become attached to it. Those who have a favorite baseball team don't really have any particular likes about their team but as they watch more and more games they become fans of their team. So in this sense this reinfoecement can also be used for positive purposes as well, and the speaker talks about his own experience with basketball and how he started playing in grade 7 and became completely nucking futs about it by grade 8.
Another concept similar is also quoted by Weinburg:"The choices we make justifiy our beliefs behind them."
The problem with the Italian girl is that she had the choice to just dismiss the other guy's remarks as something purely accidental, but she chose to be paranoid about it which reinforces her belief that being Italian is shite. In the same vein, the only way to weaken our faulty perspectives is to not to make the choice. The whole inferiority complex is a perspective we look at ourselves with, so it too can be weakened. If I write on my profile that I'm a shite person, then it only serves to justify my belief that I'm shite. If I believe that all men are scary, and I choose not to get married, and the choice justifies my belief that all men are bastards. If I have the choice to approve or criticize others and I criticise them, the choice strengthens the belief that it feels good to criticize them.
So what the speaker tells us is that we either make ourselves, or we break ourselves. In order to make the right choice we have to be fully conscious and aware of the fact that when we're making choices and acting on them we're reinforcing our beliefs and intentions. That's the key to break out of the vicious cycles such as the inferiority complex.
Next time I'm going to talk about choices and all that crap and what you can change VS what you cannot. It's quite an interesting topic and I find it really helpful so that's why I'm wasting my valuable time to translate all that. Hope you won't find my journals annoying.